I want to end my relationship: SAFETY FIRST
PROTECTION SCENARIO
Before an episode of domestic violence
- Keep a suitcase or bag where you can access it quickly and easily. As far as possible, put the following items in it:
- clothes for you and your children
- a spare set of keys to your apartment or house, and to your car;
- cash;
- identity documents (yours and your children's): social insurance cards, health insurance, birth certificates, passports;
- driver's license, proof of registration;
- your bankbooks, cheques, credit cards, mortgage documents or lease, marriage contract;
- your address book;
- a photo of your spouse or ex-spouse to help identify him or her;
- a list of items you can come back for later.
- Make sure your purse, wallet, identity papers, keys and other emergency items (your medication, your children's medication, etc.) are in a place that's easy and quick for you to get to.
- Arrange your own transportation.
- Talk to people you trust about your situation. Agree with them on a password that you can use to warn them that you are in danger and to contact the police immediately.
- Teach your children to dial 911 in an emergency.
- Teach them not to intervene during an episode of domestic violence and to take refuge in a safe place in the house or with neighbors.
- Plan a place (family, friends, shelter) where you can take refuge in an emergency.
- Establish a link with a shelter by sharing what you're going through. Contact them at any time for immediate help and support. To find a shelter, visit Women's Shelter Canada.
During an episode of domestic violence
- If the situation becomes dangerous and it's possible for you to do so, call 911.
- Otherwise, trust your instincts and let your "inner voice" guide you. You know your partner better than anyone, and you know how to deal with him or her.
- Try to ease the tension.
- Try to stay calm and reassure the children.
- Ask them to retreat to their room or, if possible, to a neighbor's house.
- Avoid finding yourself in a dead-end space.
- Remember to use your password to signal that you are in danger if someone you trust contacts you by phone, at the door or via the Internet.
- As soon as you can, leave the premises with the children under the pretext of a doctor's or other appointment.
- Go to a safe place or contact a shelter to get help quickly.
- Remember, the priority is to protect your life and that of your children.
After separation
Post-separation violence is a very real phenomenon that must be taken into account to ensure the safety of victims of domestic violence. In the event of a separation, or if you are separated and fear your partner, here are a few ways to protect yourself:
- Make sure you're never alone in the presence of your partner; choose public places to meet.
- Plan to be in a safe place to tell your partner about your separation. The news is likely to have an impact on his violent behavior.
- If possible, carry a cell phone with you at all times, ready to use.
- Avoid places you used to frequent together; change your lifestyle.
- Secure your home: doors, windows, locks, entrance lighting.
- Keep a telephone on the bedside table at night for emergency use.
- See a legal advisor to legalize child custody and find out your rights.
- If you can't convince your spouse or "ex" to leave you in peace, ask a lawyer for help in obtaining a formal notice asking him or her to stop bothering you.
- If you are the victim of harassment, threats, assaults and/or harassing calls, you can file a complaint with the police.
- If you are frightened and fear for your safety or that of your children, contact us.
Call us at
1-800-461-1842, option 1 for an individualized safety plan based on your needs.